Congrats on your scholastic endeavors. I went back to school at age 50 and finally earned a college degree (it was #1 in my bucket list.) Menopause is an emotional rollercoaster under the best of circumstances.
Self care is so important when dealing with grief and loss. Take good care of yourself.
I cried only tonight. I just thought I miss my friend so much, it hurts so badly that they aren’t here anymore. I can only imagine the lasting impact it will have on their family too...I totally relate to the feelings bubbling up from nowhere.
Being a full spectrum Doula I know only too well that in our society birth and death are not spoken about until it’s upon us. I include myself in that. I have a fascination with grief now and although it’s the most shape-shifting emotion I’ve ever felt the more I run from it the harder it becomes. Most days, that breath in the morning you talk about is a total surrender isn’t it. One foot in front of the other and blind faith that it has to be ok...I have proof from yesterday that I survived.
Yes, the pain is unbearable, and it is certainly not spoken about enough. I have to be honest; I am only better at talking about death and grief now that I have experienced what I have. I still cry often, not as much as I used to. During the first year or so I broke out in eczema under my eyes, at times I thought I would not be able to stop. I am not going to lie and say it all gets easier, but it does change… the pain can still be as intense, but I don’t go into that zone as often now, and I seem to be able to pull out of it a lot quicker than I used to. I have been building a new life around me, which keeps me busy and distracted. And yes sometimes I have to remind myself that I have survived four years of this… I can get through today!
My next post is going to be on a few books I would recommend, reading these helped me to resonate with people that had been through similar. Even though I had great support around me, I still felt so alone as I did not know of anybody that had been widowed at my age. I followed David Kessler on Facebook during lockdown, he specialises in grief, he did loads of online chats with others, watching this helped me through. His book 'Finding Meaning' also helped.
Oh thank you so much for sharing that! I’m on a social media break but love any book recommendations.
I have read in particular that really helped me..1) We All Know how this Ends: Lessons about Life and Living from Working with Death and Dying by Anna Lyons and Louise Winter & 2) Do Death: For a Life Better Lived
by Amanda Blainey
I loved your post I read yesterday...how did they live. I think that’s beautiful and will help me so much.
You are welcome. Thank you for your comments, if what I am writing and sharing helps even just one little part of somebody, then it makes what I am doing worthwhile.
I'll have a look at those books too, I usually have a few books on the go at one time... it depends what mood I am in, to what I lift and read in that moment. Someone recommeded Marian Keyes to me a few years ago, if I need a bit of humour I tend to lift one of her books :-)
I am so sorry to hear that your husband has died and can only imagine the hard feeling that must come up around an anniversary.
I am having plenty of changes to navigate right now. I’m newly postpartum with baby 3. I’m going to be going from working in an office to WFH. And I’m just dealing with a whole load of grief which is change isn’t it. My grief never stands still and can always catch me off guard - my own grief is in relation to the death of my best friend my suicide last year. And also navigating pregnancy and birth in a pandemic followed by what looks like an autoimmune diagnosis due to the chronic pain I have been suffering (often triggered by trauma.
It’s a lot some days and I really hope to use this space to start writing about my experiences too (some day) in the the hope of helping others.
Good luck with the new venture, the “not knowing” or imposter syndrome is all part of the special journey you’re on no doubt.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and for sharing the changes happening in your life. I’m so sorry to hear of your grief, and I can relate to it catching you off guard, for example, I can be standing in the queue at Greggs and notice my husband’s favourite pizza slice. All of a sudden, it hits me like a tsunami wave, and I realise he will never be able to enjoy that again. People around me must be wondering what is wrong as the tears well in my eyes and I’m not paying attention to the queue in front of me.
I hope you manage to get control of your pain, feel free to keep me updated if you want to. When I think back my periods went all over the place just after my husband died and I have suffered physically on and off since, the doctor saying it was down to trauma and stress. But recently I read a shock can trigger early menopause symptoms. I began my new HRT on Monday and today is the first time my symptoms have eased slightly, so I have some hope.
Writing is a great release for dealing with pain and emotions and I hope you get to make some time to be able to that for yourself. Maybe WFH will help.
For now, we just have to do what we have to do, to get through each day. When I wake up in the morning, I take some deep breaths, and think, I will be ok. I just need to get through today. If I get my son to school on time, I am proud of myself for being able to manage that. All the best to you too.
👋🏻 Thank you 🙏🏻 and well done in earning your degree. I’m doing my studying part-time so I still have a while to go but I love learning and I’m enjoying the process. Yes self-care is so important 😊 I do a lot more of that these days, my symptoms forced me into that. This time last year I struggled to function or do much. Thankfully after 7 months of being on cyclical HRT I am a lot better, still get a lot of symptoms, but they are much more manageable. 👍🏼
Congrats on your scholastic endeavors. I went back to school at age 50 and finally earned a college degree (it was #1 in my bucket list.) Menopause is an emotional rollercoaster under the best of circumstances.
Self care is so important when dealing with grief and loss. Take good care of yourself.
I cried only tonight. I just thought I miss my friend so much, it hurts so badly that they aren’t here anymore. I can only imagine the lasting impact it will have on their family too...I totally relate to the feelings bubbling up from nowhere.
Being a full spectrum Doula I know only too well that in our society birth and death are not spoken about until it’s upon us. I include myself in that. I have a fascination with grief now and although it’s the most shape-shifting emotion I’ve ever felt the more I run from it the harder it becomes. Most days, that breath in the morning you talk about is a total surrender isn’t it. One foot in front of the other and blind faith that it has to be ok...I have proof from yesterday that I survived.
Yes, the pain is unbearable, and it is certainly not spoken about enough. I have to be honest; I am only better at talking about death and grief now that I have experienced what I have. I still cry often, not as much as I used to. During the first year or so I broke out in eczema under my eyes, at times I thought I would not be able to stop. I am not going to lie and say it all gets easier, but it does change… the pain can still be as intense, but I don’t go into that zone as often now, and I seem to be able to pull out of it a lot quicker than I used to. I have been building a new life around me, which keeps me busy and distracted. And yes sometimes I have to remind myself that I have survived four years of this… I can get through today!
My next post is going to be on a few books I would recommend, reading these helped me to resonate with people that had been through similar. Even though I had great support around me, I still felt so alone as I did not know of anybody that had been widowed at my age. I followed David Kessler on Facebook during lockdown, he specialises in grief, he did loads of online chats with others, watching this helped me through. His book 'Finding Meaning' also helped.
Oh thank you so much for sharing that! I’m on a social media break but love any book recommendations.
I have read in particular that really helped me..1) We All Know how this Ends: Lessons about Life and Living from Working with Death and Dying by Anna Lyons and Louise Winter & 2) Do Death: For a Life Better Lived
by Amanda Blainey
I loved your post I read yesterday...how did they live. I think that’s beautiful and will help me so much.
You are welcome. Thank you for your comments, if what I am writing and sharing helps even just one little part of somebody, then it makes what I am doing worthwhile.
I'll have a look at those books too, I usually have a few books on the go at one time... it depends what mood I am in, to what I lift and read in that moment. Someone recommeded Marian Keyes to me a few years ago, if I need a bit of humour I tend to lift one of her books :-)
I am so sorry to hear that your husband has died and can only imagine the hard feeling that must come up around an anniversary.
I am having plenty of changes to navigate right now. I’m newly postpartum with baby 3. I’m going to be going from working in an office to WFH. And I’m just dealing with a whole load of grief which is change isn’t it. My grief never stands still and can always catch me off guard - my own grief is in relation to the death of my best friend my suicide last year. And also navigating pregnancy and birth in a pandemic followed by what looks like an autoimmune diagnosis due to the chronic pain I have been suffering (often triggered by trauma.
It’s a lot some days and I really hope to use this space to start writing about my experiences too (some day) in the the hope of helping others.
Good luck with the new venture, the “not knowing” or imposter syndrome is all part of the special journey you’re on no doubt.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and for sharing the changes happening in your life. I’m so sorry to hear of your grief, and I can relate to it catching you off guard, for example, I can be standing in the queue at Greggs and notice my husband’s favourite pizza slice. All of a sudden, it hits me like a tsunami wave, and I realise he will never be able to enjoy that again. People around me must be wondering what is wrong as the tears well in my eyes and I’m not paying attention to the queue in front of me.
I hope you manage to get control of your pain, feel free to keep me updated if you want to. When I think back my periods went all over the place just after my husband died and I have suffered physically on and off since, the doctor saying it was down to trauma and stress. But recently I read a shock can trigger early menopause symptoms. I began my new HRT on Monday and today is the first time my symptoms have eased slightly, so I have some hope.
Writing is a great release for dealing with pain and emotions and I hope you get to make some time to be able to that for yourself. Maybe WFH will help.
For now, we just have to do what we have to do, to get through each day. When I wake up in the morning, I take some deep breaths, and think, I will be ok. I just need to get through today. If I get my son to school on time, I am proud of myself for being able to manage that. All the best to you too.
👋🏻 Thank you 🙏🏻 and well done in earning your degree. I’m doing my studying part-time so I still have a while to go but I love learning and I’m enjoying the process. Yes self-care is so important 😊 I do a lot more of that these days, my symptoms forced me into that. This time last year I struggled to function or do much. Thankfully after 7 months of being on cyclical HRT I am a lot better, still get a lot of symptoms, but they are much more manageable. 👍🏼