About a year after my husband died, I became interested in dating again. I was terrified but was encouraged by friends and family. I was introduced to dating apps which was all very new to me. When I did meet someone I had a connection with, I wanted to ‘move on.’ I felt the pressure from others to ‘move on,’ but I struggled. At times, I would feel guilty and ashamed. Although marriage vows state ‘till death do us part’ I felt like I was having an affair. My head couldn’t handle loving two men at the same time, even though one was no longer physically here.
Then I came across a TED talk with Nora McInerny. She spoke about ‘moving forward’ with your grief rather than ‘moving on.’ It was a light bulb moment for me, and I cried while I listened to her. If you are struggling with this at the moment, I would recommend a listen.
My late husband was a huge part of my life, he was the father to my only son (still is, in my head). I perceive my husband through the actions and words of my son. I turn around in my house and there are constant memories and reminders of him, of us, of the three of us. I can remember the day we came to view the house like it was only months ago. Which I still live in today, 21 years later. I will never forget, I don’t want to. Those memories, good and bad, I take with me - everywhere.
Some may think I have ‘moved on’ especially when they see photos of me in a new relationship or see me laughing and chatting at social events. But I haven’t ‘moved on,’ and I don’t put that pressure on myself anymore. I am continuing to ‘move forward’ and make the best of the life I have at this moment. I have a lot to be grateful for. It’s been almost four years and six months since my husband died, being hit with the Tsunami wave of grief is still tough, but the rebuild after, is becoming smoother.
https://www.ted.com/talks/nora_mcinerny_we_don_t_move_on_from_grief_we_move_forward_with_it?language=en
Photo: Since its nearly Halloween, here is a photo I found from a Halloween party around 2004! (I think)
❤️💔❤️